Integrate Page 3

  The family car followed the hearse, and a woman in the rear seat locked eyes with him for the briefest of moments. Jack’s brain was instantly hit with a flashback of the accident, and he was shocked to see the victim’s ghost staring straight back at him.

  How could that be?

  Reaching for the locket, he opened it and the realisation hit him; the woman in the car and the woman in the locket were one and the same.

  Twins.

  She looked so alone and completely lost, and now he understood why.

  As the cars passed by, inching ever closer to their final destination, he pushed away his coffee, threw some money on the table and left the café.

  *

  The funeral was low-key at Jimmy’s request, with only family and a few close friends in attendance. Despite his wishes, locals had gathered outside of the church to watch the cortege arrive and to pay their own respects. Once the service had been conducted, Corinne, Jimmy and the two children followed the priest to the freshly dug grave, each desperately holding on to the other for support. Standing next to the dark coffin-shaped hole that was to be Helena’s final resting place, they listened to the priest say his piece.

  As much as she tried to stay strong for Jimmy and the children, Corinne could feel the tears falling, but was incapable of stopping them. She was completely numb. More than that, she was exhausted. She was broken-hearted at losing her sister, her twin. She no longer felt whole and never would again. Corinne caught sight of the children standing proudly next to their father, little Freddie wearing smart trousers and a jumper under his coat and Rosie with her best dress, topped off with a woolly hat and scarf. Corinne was surprised that two children under the age of ten could behave so well at such a solemn occasion. Helena would have been so proud of them. As the coffin was slowly lowered to the depths, her fingers tightly clasped the locket that hung around her neck. She gripped it so hard that the delicate silver chain snapped sending the locket tumbling to the ground.

  Jimmy was well aware that his sister-in-law was falling apart, and knew it was just as hard on her as it was on him. The twins had lost their parents a few years before, and had no other family. They were everything to each other. Had been everything to each other. He watched Corinne as she absentmindedly fingered the locket, one of a matching pair he had bought them one Christmas. It had become their favourite item of jewellery and they always wore them. As she continued to fiddle, the delicate chain snapped and it tumbled to the ground. Without a second thought Jimmy reached down into the damp, green blades to find it, wiping away the morning dew before pressing it into her hand, knowing how precious it was. Carefully, Corinne placed it in her bag, before taking a handful of soft brown earth, and sprinkling it onto the coffin below. After the service they each shook the priest’s hand and watched him depart, his robes flowing wildly behind him collecting dew from the damp ground.

  Corinne, Jimmy and the children stood silently next to the grave, unable to move or say their final goodbyes. This is what life had come to: Helena was gone and husband and sister were now alone. Corinne knew she could always talk to Jimmy, but her sister, friend, partner in crime and confidante was lost to her forever. Never again would she see Helena’s beautiful smile, hear her laugh, see those vibrant blue eyes light up with mischief, watch as she entertained friends and family, or open her heart to Corinne to talk about things that only a sister could help with.

  Corinne had lost everything the moment the car ploughed into her. She had felt Helena’s pain as her body died, pain that remained with her, waking her at night in a cold sweat, creeping up on her when she least expected it, and it would remain so until the day Corinne herself was finally laid to rest alongside her.

  Suddenly aware of people passing on condolences, Corinne shook herself from her melancholy. She tried to listen to the kindly faces, to take in what they were saying but all she heard was a jumble of words. She was exhausted and just went through the motions of accepting the platitudes from the well-wishers. It was hard and she found it nearly impossible to speak. What could she possibly say? Finally, as the mourners began to drift away, Jimmy draped his arm around her shoulder. He pulled her to him and hugged her tightly. She closed her eyes, gratefully accepting the comfort. When the moment passed he said his own farewell to his dead wife and departed with the children, leaving Corinne alone in the chill of the day, staring at the mound of fresh earth that was her sister’s new home.

  Standing motionless, Corinne allowed thoughts of their lives to whirl through her head: the fun they’d had climbing the old gnarled tree at the foot of the garden, throwing rotten apples at the neighbourhood boys as they passed, swimming in the lake in the summer, running through the grass in the bright hot sun. When they got older they chose which of the neighbourhood boys they would sneak out for and kiss under the light of the moon. They had always joked about getting old, saying that they would end up sitting on a battered old porch swing watching their great-grandchildren play, laughing and gossiping about all the things they had done in their lives. But now it would never happen, and the thought of that completely broke Corinne’s heart.

  SIX

  Leaning against an ancient lichen-covered gravestone, Jack watched her. She must be freezing by now. The miserable weather had turned, clouds had begun to part and a weak sun now shone, but it was still bitterly cold. He could see the frigid air eating through layers of clothes making her visibly shake, but she just remained staring at the grave. It was as if she had been turned to stone, forced to stay in the graveyard as a reminder of the lost beauty that lay beneath her feet. He walked over to stand by her side, no longer caring if he interrupted a private moment. He needed to talk to her.

  “You okay?” He asked quietly, not wanting to scare her.

  Corinne was instantly pulled from her trance by the gentleness of a voice she didn’t recognise.

  Her response was barely a whisper.

  “Hit and run. Why do people do it?”

  Jack felt the guilt wash over him and his hands became clammy despite the temperature. How could he stand there and pretend to care when the whole mess was his fault? He was a murderer. What was he even doing here? Was he really that sick and twisted? He should walk away, leave her to the grief and suffering he’d caused, but he couldn’t. Something stopped him. He was drawn to her. He could see that she was a mess and needed to be looked after. It was something he wanted to see through, even if it seemed like madness.

  “Were you related or just a friend?” Jack asked, knowing the answer before she gave it.

  “She was my sister. My twin sister.”

  Corrine looked up at him as if seeing him for the first time. Surprise caught her. He was a good-looking man, if in a slightly dark, moody, mysterious sort of way. He was wearing blue jeans, black shirt, leather jacket and biker boots. His mid-length scruffy hair brushed the collar of the shirt, falling over his sharp, dark, piercing eyes, eyes that glinted like steel in the crisp daylight. A faint inviting aroma of tobacco and aftershave lingered about him. Whoever he was, she liked him.

  “Did you know her? Is that why you’re here?”

  He shook his head, unsure of how to answer. What could he possibly say?

  “No, I was passing through to another grave. I saw you on your own, and you looked upset.”

  “I’m fine... Sorry, I don’t know your name.”

  “Jack. My name is Jack.”

  “Jack. Well thank you, but I really am okay.”

  The conversation with Jack brought her back to reality, making her realise how cold it was. She could feel the damp chill that had seeped through her clothing and the numbness that enveloped her hands and feet. She had been there for far too long, and it was time to leave. Smiling weakly at Jack she turned and walked away.

  Jack followed. He wasn’t ready to let her go yet.

  “Do you need a ride? My car’s close by.”

  “No thanks, I’d rather walk.”

  Corinne ceased walking for the
briefest of moments and turned to face him. She didn’t want to be rude. Despite not knowing him, he had been kind and honest. That was what she craved instead of subject avoidance and sympathy like everyone else was giving her. For some reason she liked this man and felt a strong connection to him. There was no harm in being polite. She smiled at him.

  “But thank you Jack. I appreciate the offer. I hope to see you around.”

  *

  As she walked away, Jack leant against a gravestone watching her. Her beauty had floored him and he had found it difficult to look at her without staring like a ridiculous schoolboy. He took out his cigarettes, lit one and pulled deeply on it. As captivating as she was it didn’t make things any better. In fact, seeing the utter destruction he’d left behind only made him feel much worse. He was in turmoil. He wanted desperately to get to know her better, but he had committed a grave crime and knew that the right thing to do would be to hand himself in to the police, to own up, to give the family closure, but something was stopping him. He feared for his own fate and just couldn’t do it. He didn’t want to spend the rest of his life in prison. Funny that, considering he had spent a lot of time recently wishing he could just disappear off the face of the earth.

  Maybe he wanted to live after all.

  *

  The wake was a simple affair, held at Helena and Jimmy’s home. The house was large and white, with a bright red front door flanked by two mock columns. A large front lawn was framed by overhanging trees and bushes that enticed a multitude of birds hunting insects. A driveway with room for more than one car ran the length of the garden and house. Today it was full. Despite the freezing weather, Jimmy sat on the front step, staring at the garden that had been Helena’s haven. His tie lay crumpled on the ground next to him, his shirt collar was unbuttoned, and he was gripping a cup of strong black coffee in an effort to keep his hands warm. He had felt trapped and harangued inside, and needed some time to himself. His home was filled with family and well-wishers and the front step was the only place where he found some time alone. He was trying to be strong for his children, but the grief was eating him up from the inside out, he was completely lost without Helena. He missed her terribly and wished that he could do something to change what had happened, but he couldn’t. This was their life now. He was a widower and the children were motherless. It wasn’t supposed to be like this and it left him feeling lost, miserable and very lonely.

  Corinne opened the front door, letting the chill of the day in. She had been looking for Jimmy for ten minutes and was worried as to where he’d gone. It wasn’t good for him to be alone for too long. Closing the door behind her to keep the house warm, she took a seat on the cold step next to him, pulling her wrap tightly about her shoulders. They had barely spoken since Helena’s death, and Corinne knew he was hurting just as much as she. He had lost the love of his life.

  “I’m so sorry Jimmy.”

  “It’s okay... We’ll be fine.”

  “You know I’m always here, if you or the kids need me. All you need to do is call me.”

  Corinne put her arm around him and hugged him but, unlike the hug at the churchyard, Jimmy pulled away. He had found it more and more difficult during the wake. He kept seeing his wife’s double walking through the house, hugging his children, talking with friends and it hurt deeply. To him, the wrong sister had died. He didn’t hate Corinne, but her being alive was a stark reminder of all that he’d lost. He needed time, he needed to grieve, and he couldn’t do that with Corinne around.

  “We’ll be fine.” Then after a long pause, Jimmy sighed and said, “It’s hard being around you Corinne. All I see when I look at you is Helena: her face, her eyes, her hair. But you’re not her. She’s lying six feet under and you’re still here, a reminder of everything I’ve lost. It’s so unfair. I need space Corinne, time and space. Maybe it’s best if you stay away for a while. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s how I feel. I’m sorry.”

  Gathering up his tie, Jimmy stood, turned his back on his sister-in-law, and entered the warmth of the house. Left outside alone in the cold, Corinne felt the tears fall. She couldn’t help looking like Helena. She had no choice; they’d been born that way. She knew Jimmy was distraught and would probably get over it in time, but she was hurting too, and he and the children were all she had left, her only link to her sister, she couldn’t lose them too. As she cried his words echoed around her head, they had cut through her like a knife. The wound would eventually heal, but the scar would remain forever.

  SEVEN

  The bar’s interior was dark, gloomy and quiet. Jack was thankful. The last thing he wanted was to have to make small talk with some drunken bar hopper who was drowning their sorrows after a row with their wife. His stool was pulled up to the long bar. A large glass of bourbon rested untouched on the wooden surface. The drink teased him, called him, begged to be drunk. Jack couldn’t stop thinking about the dead girl’s sister. Despite her beauty she had looked thin, tired, gaunt and full of un-ending grief, and it was all his fault. The look in her eyes haunted him almost as much as her dead sister’s had. They were so alike, it was if the dead girl’s ghost had risen and come back to torment him. Was this what karma looked and felt like?

  As he toyed with the glass the jukebox churned out tune after miserable tune. He could tell by the selections that it was the pretty blonde bar tender’s choice; sappy girl songs that reminded him of Nikki, the sort that she would have loved and sung at him with those bright mischievous eyes, before holding and kissing him, running her hands through his hair and...

  Stop!

  It was no good going over this again. He had to let it go. Nikki was dead. As dead as the girl he’d killed. There was no way he could change the past, so why did his mind keep sending him back there?

  Lifting the glass he took a swig, feeling the liquid burn as it went down. It was a welcome relief. He’d hated abstaining, but he relished the taste once more and it went down all too easily.

  The jukebox finished its current refrain, briefly submitting the room to silence before clicking over to a new track. Jack recognised the opening bars and froze, his mind instantly returning to the moment of Helena’s impact with his car. It was as though the world was taunting him, leaving small reminders of what he’d done, everywhere he went. Quickly he downed the rest of the glass before leaving the bar. The song was too much, a memory that was too intense, it made him feel sick and uneasy. He had to get away to the one remaining place he felt safe.

  Climbing into his car he sped off, another unknown drive ahead of him.

  *

  The house was quieter now. Remaining guests had passed on their condolences and left the family in peace. Corinne silently made her way around the rooms collecting empty glasses, plates and cups before loading them into the dishwasher. She gathered up the rubbish, and threw it into bin bags, before cleaning kitchen surfaces, leaving everything as tidy as possible. Pausing at the living room door, she leaned against the frame watching Jimmy and her niece and nephew. They had fallen fast asleep, huddled up on the sofa, and looked so peaceful that she hadn’t the heart to wake them to say goodbye. Quietly, she crept over to them, and planted the gentlest of kisses on each of their foreheads. Without looking back, she pulled her coat around her shoulders, grabbed her bag and left the confines of her sister’s house, stepping out into the cold.

  Corinne ambled through the streets, desperate for fresh air after the heat and claustrophobia of the house and its guests. It was still cold, and the sun had begun to wane once more, so she pulled her coat tightly around her to keep out as much of the chilly air as possible. Jimmy’s words still stung. Helena would have been horrified to see them so strained. All she could do was give him time and hope that he’d eventually come round. She loved them too much to lose them as well.

  Mulling over past memories, she walked the cold and damp streets. Stray leaves that had managed to make it into the early winter months and other debris littered the pavements and road gutte
rs, occasionally carried along by the wind to form small piles that would be swept up the following day by council workers. Corinne favoured this time of the year. Most people she knew hated it but she found solace in the drama of the weather, the bleakness of the season and the stripping back of the trees until they were nothing but bare branches. Corinne enjoyed the anticipation of the forthcoming cold snap, filled with ice and snow that would blanket everything and sometimes last for months. Yes, she loved late autumn and the bleakness of winter that followed.

  She turned a corner and found herself on the street where her sister had died. She and Helena had loved this part of town, and it held so many special memories. It was the route they had always taken from their parents’ house to the family church, which stood proudly near the accident site. It was sad that Helena had been killed in an area of town they held most dear. When she reached the church, Corinne stopped and leaned on the low wall to remove an irritating stone from her shoe.

  *

  Jack had been driving for hours. He wasn’t going anywhere in particular, but driving was his escape. It was hard to stay in the hostel staring blankly at a TV screen. He knew that he should leave now that the funeral was over. This was not his town, there was nothing to keep him here and every day he remained he was at risk of getting caught. But something was forcing him to stay, an unknown power, taking over, forcing him to do its bidding. All he could think about was the dead woman’s sister. She crept into his dreams every night and refused to leave him alone. All he wanted to do was see her again and it scared him.

  Turning a corner he found himself in the street where the accident had happened. He hadn’t meant to come here, but it was as though an unknown force had guided him there, to remind him of his worst nightmare; a nightmare that lived with him and never went away.