Integrate Page 5

  He stood and smiled warmly.

  *

  It seemed like forever since Corinne had seen Jimmy or the children and his words still hurt, but she had learned to live with them. It had been a complete surprise when he’d asked her to go to the inquest with him, awkwardly admitting he needed her support and it was what Helena would have wanted. She knew it was all down to his parents. She had seen them a few times around town and each time they had apologised profusely for their son’s behaviour. In the end it didn’t matter how or why he’d contacted her, she was just glad to be able to start getting things back to normal.

  Jimmy walked towards her and politely, if awkwardly, opened his arms and hugged her. Gracefully she accepted it.

  “I’m so scared,” he whispered.

  “I know Jimmy. I am too, but it will be okay. It will all be over soon.”

  They set off in Corinne’s car for the short journey to Court. Once they had parked, they entered the building and patiently waited for the session to begin. Nerves affected both of them. Jimmy couldn’t sit still and paced the hallway wringing his hands, glancing continually at his watch. Corinne felt sick to the stomach, waves of dread and dizziness washing over her as she tapped her foot on the floor impatiently. It was a relief when they were finally called through.

  The inquest lasted for almost four hours, but to Corinne it was a blur. They were presented with aspects of Helena’s life, forensic evidence, the accident and how it was perceived by the police to have happened, and other legal jargon that went completely over her head. It seemed, despite a thorough investigation, there were no witnesses, and still no arrests. Corinne barely took in what was being said. The only time she shed a tear was when police photographs of Helena’s lifeless body appeared on the screen. They were sickening. Helena’s body was twisted and broken, lying on the tarmac in a pool of blood, her eyes dead and glazed. It was not how Corinne wanted to remember her sister, and it was as much as she could do to stay in the room. But stay she did, gripping Jimmy’s hand tightly, as he shook with shock.

  Once the final verdict was given, they made their way outside and stood at the bottom of the steps, with weak early spring sun shining down upon them.

  Jimmy pushed away a few stray tears and said, “An accident. Nothing more, nothing less. How could that be?”

  Corinne had expected more, and she felt they had been let down.

  “I don’t know, but at least we have some idea of what happened and can start getting on with our lives,” she said, trying her best to comfort him, knowing it meant little.

  “I know, but I’d feel happier if they had actually arrested someone. It seems there’s nothing more we can do.” He paused before speaking again, “Thank you for coming with me Corinne.”

  “She was my sister; I’d have been here no matter what. Take care of yourself, Jimmy. You and the children are all that matters now, be strong for them.”

  “You too. I’ll be in touch soon. You should come over, the kids miss you,” he paused awkwardly. “So do I.”

  “I miss you too.”

  They hugged and Corinne knew he was trying to find some words of apology for the last time they had spoken, but it didn’t matter. What he’d said and done today was already enough and she made it easy for him. Pushing back from him she pressed her car keys into his hand.

  “Go on, take the car and get back to Freddie and Rosie. I need some air, and it’s not too far to walk.”

  “If you’re sure?”

  “Yes. I’ll pop over and collect the car in the next few days, which means I can see the monsters then,” she said with a wide smile.

  “Thank you.” He gently kissed her on the cheek before walking away.

  Corinne was grateful that they had finally started to make amends; she had missed them all so much. She hadn’t been lying; she did need the fresh air, and wasn’t ready to go back home yet. She had no idea where she was going but she walked through the town’s streets, quiet in her own thoughts, mulling over everything that had happened since her sister’s death. Over the long winter months, the intense visions had subsided and the grief had waned a little, but it was still there bubbling below the surface and it appeared at the most unexpected times, throwing her off balance. It frustrated her but she was coping. Just.

  Turning into a side street, Corinne saw the bar. She was thirsty and decided to take the weight off her feet. Inside it was gloomy, with few customers. A jukebox was churning out trashy songs, songs that reminded her of every bad relationship she’d ever had. At the bar she pulled up a stool and ordered a drink. Before that night with Jack she had never really drunk bourbon. It wasn’t to her taste, but a lot had changed since Helena’s death and she had come to enjoy the burning sensation it provided.

  Jack. She sat there thinking of him as she drank. She had seen him around town many times, but they had danced around each other like two failed lovers, barely uttering two words to each other. She still had no idea who he really was, but she thought about him every day. She had no idea why and it perplexed her greatly, it was as though he was inextricably linked to her in some way, but how she just couldn’t figure out.

  Shaking thoughts of Jack from her head, her mind wandered back to Jimmy. They had bridged a gap today and she was so pleased. She had missed him and the children so much, and she was happy to have her family back again. She stared deeply into the glass on the surface in front of her, losing herself in thought, as if trying to find and answer to an unfathomable question.

  TEN

  Jack arrived at the bar. Turning off the engine, he left the car in its usual parking spot before entering the dark and dreary establishment. He was taken aback to see Corinne sitting at the bar. She was the last person he had expected to see. He had caught glimpses of her around town over the last few months, but had done his best to avoid her. He had finally settled, renting a small flat in the town, deciding to face up to his responsibilities once and for all, but that day still hadn’t arrived. He was still struggling with his guilt and how he could make amends. Each day he woke with a new plan, he would go to the police, he would sit down, tell them all about the accident, and let the authorities decide what to do with him, but as the hours crept past his bravado failed and he ended up back at square one. Another day gone and he was still a murderer at large. In the end he decided to leave it to the police, let them do their jobs, let them come and find him.

  Looking across at Corinne he debated turning round and leaving, but it was his favourite bar, and he wasn’t leaving it for fear of having to talk to a woman.

  As Corinne drank she felt the presence of someone next to her. She looked up. Jack. It was as though thinking of him minutes earlier had conjured him, and it threw her off balance.

  He pulled up a stool and sat next to her, running his fingers through his hair, which was still a messy length.

  “You’re the last person I expected to see here.”

  Corinne shrugged and stared back into her glass. After a lengthy pause she finally spoke.

  “Have you been here before?”

  “It’s my local.”

  “Ah. Is it always this quiet?”

  “Yep. It’s why I like it.”

  The silence descended once more, and Jack filled it by indicating his usual to the bartender. Corinne looked at Jack, trying to gauge him, but he was completely expressionless.

  She spoke again, desperate to break the tension that always seemed to exist between them.

  “We had the inquest today.”

  Jack felt his heart beat faster. It had been a tense few months, waiting to be questioned or arrested, expecting every knock at the door to be the police. He expected to hear that witnesses had been found, or that he’d been seen, his car recognised, but nothing had come, and he’d been left alone. He couldn’t believe how lucky he had been. Not going to the police had been the right thing to do after all. He was a selfish man whose self-preservation came before anything else.

  He had consider
ed going to the inquest, but decided to stay away, he hadn’t wanted to intrude on a private affair. The longer he left it, the worse things would be for him and, despite the guilt that was eating him up, he had a strong want to protect himself. He had reached a point where it was too late to give himself up now.

  “What was the verdict?”

  “An accident. They couldn’t track the bastard down, let alone convict him.”

  “Him? How do you know it was a man? It could have been a woman.”

  Corinne snorted. “Women aren’t that heartless.”

  Jack laughed nervously, “How do you figure that?”

  Corinne turned to stare at him. It was as though her eyes burned right into his soul, and it made him feel uncomfortable. He felt the sweat rise on his palms, his heart raced and his mouth went dry. He slugged back some of the liquid, to help ease the dryness, but the relief was fleeting. He should have learned by now that booze would never help ease the pain or rid the guilt he felt.

  He heard Corinne speaking again.

  “To run a woman down and not stop, to not even report it to the police. It was heartless, and not a thing a woman would do. It had to be a man. I just don’t understand what goes through someone’s head when they do something like that. It was a senseless act and whoever did it should be punished.”

  Jack knew she was right. It was a senseless and heartless act, and he was the one who had made her and her family suffer. He should have owned up, he should have had the guts to be a real man and admit his guilt whatever the consequences, but it was much too late for that. It had become too complicated. He dreamed of them every night: Helena’s dead, battered and bruised body merging with Corinne’s sweet beautiful, grief stricken face, a face that he wanted to kiss greedily, a body that he wanted to satisfy. Was he falling in love with her or was it just his pathetic, screwed up mind, trying to find a way of assuaging the guilt? He was utterly ashamed of himself and yet here he was still talking to her, pretending to be a friend, still turning up in her life. What the hell was wrong with him?

  “Don’t upset yourself Corinne. Let me get you another drink.”

  Placing a hand on her bare arm, he leaned in to the bartender to order another drink.

  Waves of dizziness crashed over Corinne in an instant and everything became dark and fuzzy. The bar in front of her merged with the blurred interior of a car and she found herself sitting in the driver’s seat. It was night and pitch black, her hands were on the steering wheel but she had no control over the vehicle. It was moving at full speed along a dark road. She tried to work out where she was but the answer eluded her. To her left, a frightened animal scuttled away from the car, disappearing quickly from view. A church appeared to her right and suddenly from nowhere there she was.

  Helena. Standing in the road ahead of her.

  Her sister turned too late, too late to see the car that was already upon her. Corinne stared in horror as the sickening crunch of the car hitting the fragile body filled the car. Helena was thrown high into the air and Corinne screamed and blacked out.

  “Corinne! Come on Corinne, wake up!” A panicked voice punctured the air around her, pulling her through the blackness and back to the surface.

  Slowly, as she came to, Corinne found herself back in the bar. The room had stopped swaying, the dizziness was subsiding and the darkness had decreased. Jack was beside her, arm around her shoulder trying his best to help her up from the floor.

  “Jack?”

  “You took one hell of a tumble there. Maybe you should see a doctor.”

  She looked at him for a moment, before shaking him loose and grabbing her bag. She was confused. She hadn’t had a vision in months and suddenly Jack turns up and they start again. Why did that always happen when he was around? She certainly knew how to make a bloody fool of herself. She needed to get away, she needed to think. This vision had been more prominent than the others. It had meant something. She needed the cards; they would tell her.

  ”I’m sorry Jack but I have to go.”

  She ran from the bar as fast as her wobbly legs could carry her, leaving Jack staring into his glass with confusion. He was quiet with his thoughts for a few minutes, before asking for another drink. Digging into his jacket pocket he found the silver locket and flipped it open. He had gotten a good look at Corinne’s locket as she tumbled off the stool and it was identical to the one in his hand. Opening the trinket, he looked at the photo of Corinne staring back at him. He knew every part of her face, the colour of her eyes, the way her hair fell over her shoulders. He had studied it for so long he felt he knew everything there was to know, except for her touch and that was the one thing he desperately wanted but couldn’t have. Closing the locket, he placed it safely back in his jacket pocket before downing his drink and leaving the confines of the bar.

  ELEVEN

  Corinne finally made it home. She had needed the fresh air but the walk took longer than expected and she was exhausted. It had been a long, emotional day and she was feeling worn out with it all. Just as she placed a key in the lock, a shadowy figure appeared by her side.

  “Shit! Jesus Jack, you scared the hell out of me. What are you doing here?”

  “I don’t think you should be alone tonight.”

  “And why’s that?”

  “Because you’re upset.”

  “I’m absolutely fine.”

  As she turned to enter her house, Jack tried following but she stopped him, firmly placing her hand on his chest. The room span and tilted, dizziness overwhelmed her once more and she was incapable of stopping the enveloping darkness that overwhelmed her.

  The moon was high, shining brightly. Corinne found herself standing in the middle of the road. Everything around her was hazy, but as she turned she could clearly see Helena lying on the tarmac at her feet. Blood seeped through her sister’s clothing, pooling on the tarmac at her side, her eyes wide and slowly glazing over. Life ebbing away as the seconds passed. Corinne knew even before she knelt to her aid, that there was nothing she could do for her.

  Her sister was dead.

  Bones were shattered.

  Neck was broken.

  A life taken.

  A noise behind her made her turn, and she caught sight of a car disappearing into the distance. She squinted trying to read the number plate but all she could make out was the blaze of rear lights in the darkness. Turning back to her sister she ran a hand over her beautiful golden hair, her fingers tingling at the touch, as the last essence of her sister’s life passed through her before it was lost forever. In that brief moment Corinne felt whole again, and the grief waned slightly, but all too soon the moment had passed and the heaviness of loss descended again and she knew Helena was gone forever.

  Everything turned hazy and as she cried out her sister’s name, Corinne found herself back in her own hallway. She was on the floor slumped against the wall, supported by Jack, her hand still on his chest.

  “Goddamn it!” Corinne exclaimed before pushing him away, hauling herself to her feet and storming into the front room. Jack quietly closed the front door behind him. He removed his jacket, throwing it over the banisters before following her. He stood there leaning on one of the chairs, watching as Corinne lit the mantelpiece candle. Once done, she sat.

  “I lost someone once too.”

  Corinne barely heard him and continued to stare up at the candle. The visions were becoming stronger and she had no idea what was causing them or why they were happening, but with each episode it was as though she were being handed another piece of a puzzle that was slowly revealing what had happened to her sister. What confounded her was why did they happen when Jack was around? Was he somehow connected? Her head pounded from too much thinking.

  Jack continued to lean on the chair, watching her, as equal measures of confusion and fatigue continued to pass across her face. It was as though something perplexed her and she was trying to work through a solution in her head. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a brown lea
ther journal resting on the mantelpiece. He reached forward and lifted it.

  Corinne caught the movement and immediately dragged herself back to reality.

  “Don’t touch that!” she snapped.

  Shrugging, he replaced it before finally taking a seat in the chair opposite. He paused a moment before breaking the silence.

  “She was only eighteen years old.”

  Confused, Corinne tilted her head.

  “Who was?”

  “The person I lost. She was my girlfriend.”

  Corinne didn’t respond. She sat there and stared, so he continued. He needed to tell her, needed to explain. “We were driving home from a party and an oncoming car careered out of control and hit us, we crashed into a tree. Nikki was driving, and they say she died upon impact. The man who hit us had been banned from driving.” He paused once more, unsure of how to continue. Looking up he met Corinne’s eyes. They had softened and he knew she was giving him the permission he needed to bare his soul.

  “Nikki died and I survived. I shouldn’t have, but I did. I wish I could go back and change things. I have re-lived that night so many times. I should have been the one driving. Maybe if I had, I could have controlled the car, maybe we wouldn’t have crashed and maybe Nikki would still be alive now. But she isn’t. I can’t change any of it. It’s consigned to history and so I have to carry it with me every day, until I die. It never goes away, ever.”

  Corinne reached forward to gently take his hand in hers.

  “I’m so sorry for what happened Jack, but it wasn’t your fault.”