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  “Whether it was my fault or not, it doesn’t change how I feel. What I'm trying to say Corinne, is that I know exactly what you’re going through.”

  “I appreciate the sentiment Jack, but how can you? Helena was my twin. We had a connection, stronger than anything else. It’s like part of me died when she died, like a piece of me is missing and always will be, like I will never be whole again.”

  “I understand, honestly I do, and I know you loved her. Of course you did; she was your sister. I’m trying to tell you, you’re not the only one who has suffered Corinne. I loved Nikki. We were getting married. She was the love of my life, and I feel responsible for what happened. Even though you had nothing to do with your sister’s accident, you still feel responsible for what happened, just like I do for Nikki’s death. But you will get over it. You can’t carry the guilt forever, Corinne.”

  She stared deeply into those beautiful dark haunting eyes of his, and knew he was right. She broke down, her tears falling fast and furious. The floodgates had opened, and there was little she could do to stop them. Jack had gotten to the crux of the matter; she did feel guilty. She had always felt like she was the older sister and needed to protect Helena. Since Helena’s death, she felt like she had let her down. She should have done more to look after her, but really, what could she have done? Helena was an adult and if there was one thing Corinne knew about her sister it was that she was her own woman. No one had ever been able to control her or tell her what to do.

  Jack knelt before Corinne and pulled her from the chair into his arms, comforting her. He rocked her gently and stroked her hair, enjoying the feel of her in his arms, finally able to be close to her. Corinne clung to him and sobbed like a child, releasing all the pent up grief and emotion that had simmered beneath the surface since that fateful day.

  They stayed there on the floor in the light of the crackling fire, until finally her tears ceased and she looked up at him, smiling weakly. Before she could speak, Jack gently brushed his lips against hers, testing the waters. Corinne, desperate for love, greedily accepted, needing and wanting his comfort in whatever form it came. She wanted it never to end. It was a way to block out all of the hurt and pain, and she succumbed to him wholeheartedly. She ran her fingers through his unkempt hair as he slid them both to the floor, and they lay there, slowly removing each other’s clothing, exploring each other’s bodies, making love in the fire lit gloom until both were satisfied and spent. As the night finally darkened, the moon cast its eerie glow through the window, enhancing the curves of their bodies as they lay dozing in each other’s arms in the warmth of the fire’s dying embers.

  TWELVE

  Corinne awoke with a start, feeling disoriented. It took her a moment to realise she was naked in her own bed. The covers had been placed across her midriff, and her hair was loose and flowed across the pillow in shimmering golden waves. She smiled remembering the previous evening. It had been a long time since she had given herself so freely to a man, and she bathed in the warm glow she felt. Reaching out, she felt for Jack but he wasn’t there; only a vague warmth and faint indentation in the sheets remained to show he’d ever been there.

  Climbing from the comfortable warmth, she pulled on her robe and padded downstairs to the front room in search of him. The fire had been damped down and the candles extinguished. As she looked at herself in the mirror, she spied the table behind her in the reflection.

  Her tarot box was open and the cards had been spread across the table. One single card lay face up on top of the others, and her heart thudded nervously, as she stepped closer.

  The Lovers.

  Next to the box were two lockets, one with a chain and one without. Reaching for her neck, she realised hers had been removed. The other locket was Helena’s. Her sister’s missing locket. Ice crept into her heart as the final piece of the puzzle fell into place.

  Jack had murdered Helena.

  *

  As Jack drove through the town, a burning cigarette hung from his lips and smoke wafted through the car. He had crept out of Corinne’s house in the early hours after putting her to bed, where she fell asleep instantly. The guilt he felt before was nothing to how he felt now; he had completely taken advantage of her, and it was utterly shameful. He knew there was an ill wind blowing and it was now only a matter of time before the situation was removed from his hands and the truth came out. He’d had enough of running, enough of lying, enough of the guilt. It was time to face up to the consequences of his actions, whatever they may be.

  *

  Corinne sat at the table with a coffee in her trembling hands. After sipping the warm brew, she placed the cup to one side and gathered up the tarot cards. Shuffling them, she placed the upturned Lovers card back into the pack. She lifted the lockets and the dizziness hit her immediately forcing her to pass out. She hit the floor with a hollow thud.

  Morning had flicked to night and she was standing in the road. It was deathly quiet, the church stood at the roadside, dark and foreboding, bats flying around its belfry. The full moon shone brightly, casting an ethereal glow over everything. Looking around, Corinne tried to find Helena. Maybe all this was meant to be a way of saving her? If she could find her, maybe Corinne could somehow tell her not to cross the road? But Helena was nowhere to be found. Shifting uncomfortably on her feet, Corinne glanced down.

  What the hell?

  Her feet were bare.

  As her eyes scanned upwards, she saw Helena’s favourite sandals dangling from her fingers, and she was wearing a dress Helena had bought a few months back when the twins had gone shopping together. On Corinne’s shoulder was her missing handbag that she had spent three weeks searching for, before realising Helena had borrowed it without asking. In the moonlight a sparkle caught her eye and she saw she was wearing the wedding band Jimmy had given to Helena on their wedding day.

  Now she was completely freaked out.

  Had she somehow switched places with her sister? If so, why? She spun around in the road, looking for a sign, some clue that would tell her what was happening. All of a sudden a car turned the corner. The driving was too fast and erratic for the small side street. Corinne watched as the car swerved and narrowly avoided hitting a fox.

  In that briefest of moments, realisation hit her. She had seen this before, but from other perspectives. With mounting fear and dread she knew what would come next. The car was heading straight for her, the headlights were bright and dazzled her momentarily, but as it got closer she saw the driver. It was a man and he and he was distracted, he wasn’t looking at the road ahead. Then suddenly he lifted his head but it was too late, the brakes screeched as the car skidded out of control. As the car hit her, she stared directly at the driver.

  Jack.

  Screaming with pain Corinne felt the bones throughout her body shatter. Her internal organs bruised, split and failed and her heart slowed as she hit the ground with a thud. She blacked out, the pain of her broken body too much to bear.

  *

  Gasping for air, Corinne came round on her living room floor. Once the grogginess had subsided she rolled over, taking in her surroundings.

  She was home. She was alive!

  It had only been a vision. She was lying next to the table, and she sat up to catch her breath and steady herself. The lockets were still in her hand, and her head was pounding from where she must have hit it on the way down.

  She stood and placed the lockets on the mantelpiece either side of the photo of her and her sister before returning to the table. Picking up the tarot deck, she reshuffled it before selecting cards to read. Slowly, one by one, she turned them over and carefully studied them.

  The meaning of each one hit home and she finally saw the whole story clearly.

  She now knew what she had to do.

  *

  Jack pulled the car into the space outside the bar. He had been expecting it to be open as usual but the sign read ‘Closed’. Shrugging, he leaned over, opened the glove box and took out
a bottle. Getting out of the car, he locked it securely before walking along the road, swigging from the bottle as he went.

  He was even fed up of driving. It hadn’t been the same since the accident. A thing that used to bring him such joy and comfort now caused him only pain and misery. In fact, his whole life caused him pain and misery. He would walk until he found somewhere else that was open, or maybe he would just do everyone a favour and find the nearest bridge and jump. As he walked, he thought about the previous night. Despite his growing feelings for her, he hadn’t intended to sleep with Corinne, it had just happened. It must have been the grief; it did funny things to people. She had been so upset, all he had wanted to was comfort her, and then one thing had led to another. In the cold light of day he had regretted his actions. As if it wasn’t enough to kill Helena, he then had to go and sleep with her sister when she was at her lowest.

  He shook his head. “Nice touch Jack, well done,” he muttered to himself.

  As the wind whistled along the street, he looked up at the sky, where dark clouds were brewing overhead. The air had become heavy, laden with the promise of a storm.

  Never a good sign.

  *

  Jack had killed Helena.

  Corinne felt sick to the stomach. Jack had befriended her, acted like he had cared, then lied to her, slept with her, even had her feeling sorry for him, and all the while he was playing her. She was disgusted with herself for being stupid enough to fall for it.

  What made a person do that? How could he be so twisted and evil?

  He had even gone on about his precious girlfriend who had died in a car accident. Was that all just an elaborate lie too? She paced the room, the anger building and swelling within her. She was furious, he had hurt her deeply, a very bad combination. She was trying to think of what she should do. Maybe she should call the police, tell them all about it, they would go and arrest him and justice would be done. She stopped pacing and stared at the photo of her and Helena, shaking her head. What would she say to the police? She didn’t know where Jack lived and didn’t even know his last name. The police would never believe her. What proof did she actually have?

  Absolutely none.

  All she had was a locket that could have been found and returned to her by a sympathetic bystander, a tarot reading and some visions.

  They would laugh her out of town.

  There was only one thing she could do, and she knew exactly where Jack would be. Corinne extinguished the candles, before pulling on her coat and grabbing her bag. Moments later she was crossing town in a taxi to collect her car from Jimmy’s house.

  *

  Jack was still walking the streets. The alcohol was sliding down far too easily and with each step he was becoming more confused and unstable on his feet. Turning the corner he saw the church ahead and the spot where the accident happened. How the hell did that happen? Why did life always bring him back to this?

  Shrugging to himself, he carried on walking. He didn’t care what happened now. He would turn himself in and be done with it all; let someone else decide his fate for him. He had almost reached the church and was swaying dramatically, barely able to stand. Clouds had now massed overhead and the air smelt heavily of rain. His vision was blurred from the effects of the alcohol that was burning through his body, and he stood at the edge of the road watching the impending storm.

  *

  Corinne collected her car and drove to the bar. Rattling the doors she realised it was closed. She could see Jack’s car parked across the road, but he was nowhere to be found. She was at a loss as to what to do. This was the only place she knew where to find him. She got back in her car and set off towards her house, her mind turning over and over. She needed to find him, she needed to talk to him, to ask him why. Why had he done it? Why had he just driven away without telling anyone? Why had he taken advantage of her?

  Dark clouds that suited her mood rolled in, and large droplets of rain began to fall. The air was hot and heavy and buzzed with the approaching electrical storm. Flicking a switch she concentrated on the road as her wipers moved quickly, dispersing the fast falling water. She decided to take a shortcut so she could get home and out of the wretched weather. As she turned the corner she realised her drive had taken her to the street where Helena had died.

  How had she ended up here? This wasn’t the right direction. How many times was she to make this journey in her lifetime? It was as though fate had hold of her and was guiding her, and she was just a passenger along for the ride.

  *

  Jack had taken his last slug of booze, he shook the bottle but it was definitely empty. He grinned to himself. Maybe his good friend, alcohol, would finally kill him? He could always live in hope.

  It was now pouring with rain and the water seeped into his clothes and drenched his hair, slicking it to his head. Tipping the bottle back once more, he tried to suck the remaining dregs from the bottom. He gave up; it had nothing left to give. Frustrated, he flung the bottle at the wall and it shattered, spewing sharp splinters of glass across the pavement. Stepping back into the road, he stared at the church, before spinning round, stumbling, stepping blindly. Street lights blurred and everything appeared before him in doubles.

  He wanted it over with. He didn’t deserve to live. All he wanted was Nikki, but she was gone to him forever. He wanted peace, was it too much to ask?

  “Come on! I don’t deserve my life!” he yelled in an alcohol-fuelled tirade. “Just take me!”

  The clouds were darker now and lightning flashed across the sky, casting eerie shadows. A large ground-shaking rumble of thunder quickly followed it. The rain was torrential now, soaking everything in its reach. Jack felt the rain on his skin, and the sizzle of electricity as lightning struck again, landing across the street.

  “Is that all you’ve got?” he screamed to the heavens. “Pitiful! Come on, do your worst. I’m ready for it! Give me all you got!”

  He stood in the road, screaming at the heavens like a madman, taunting the storm as it raged on around him.

  *

  As the lightning flashed, Corinne saw him ahead of her, yelling and stumbling in the road, angry at the whole world, and she knew that their future had already been written. She didn’t need tarot or visions this time. Fate was being decided before her very eyes. She knew that what was about to happen was always meant to be. Driving towards him, she pressed the accelerator hard; the needle on the dashboard climbed steadily as her hands tightly gripped the steering wheel. Not once did her eyes waver from the road ahead. Not once did she falter in her decision.

  As Jack turned, it was already too late.

  The crunch was sickening, his bones fractured and he was thrown high into the air. Corinne braked hard. Tyres squealed noisily as the car slid along the slickly wet tarmac and brakes emitted acrid smoke into the air. Jack’s body bounced on the roof of the car before finally landing on the asphalt with a thud of broken skin and bone.

  Jumping from the car, Corinne ran back to him. Large drops of rain pelted her, the wind whipped at her clothes, and thunder cracked loudly overhead, shaking everything, as dark menacing clouds were punctured by forks of bright hot lightning.

  Standing over Jack’s body she watched as he took his last few breaths. Blood flowed from his lifeless corpse, staining the tarmac, and his eyes flickered in a last brief fight for life. She could barely breathe, and her heart beat fast and hard within her chest.

  Jack was dead.

  “That was for Helena,” she whispered hoarsely, before running back to her car and speeding away.

  *

  Corinne stood at the window and watched as the rain finally ceased, and the clouds slowly parted, allowing a weak sun to brighten the world. The wind had dropped to a light breeze, the thunder was now barely a whisper in the distance, and the lightning a mere flicker on the horizon. All of the guilt, hurt and despair had disappeared, and relief had begun to flood through her body. Her life was once more her own and she would live it to
the fullest, not just for her but also for her sister.

  “I love you Helena,” she whispered as she extinguished the memorial candle for the last time, the pain and loss of her sister’s death finally behind her.

  Acknowledgements

  Thank you to Chris Joyce for the amazing book cover design, Dale Cassidy and Laura Barclay for editing and proof reading and Clare Ayala for the fantastic formatting.

  To my supportive friends, especially Dee Thompson, Ailsa Burns and Alyson Fennell, you constantly support me by listening to my ideas and reading though my manuscripts. You’re the best guys! A special thanks to everyone at WLC, especially Melissa Foster, Sass Cadeaux, Rayne Cullen and Kathie Shoop. I have learned so much from you!

  To my family, who have been there for me constantly over the years and put up with my chaotic life, I love you all very much. To my husband T, Integrate wouldn’t have been possible without you, thank you for being my partner in crime.

  Finally, thank you to everyone who has read Integrate. You took a chance on me and bought the book and for that I am very grateful.

  About the Author

  Chrissie Parker lives in London UK, with her husband.

  Twitter - @chrissie_author

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  Web – www.chrissieparker.com